This post is going to be different from my other posts. It would be more personal this time round. Should I be bearing my feelings on my blog? I have been pondering it for some time and have decided to have a go at it. People have told me not to reveal my feelings on the internet; however, I am who I am, so this is my first maiden post about what I have been feeling lately.
My girlfriend is in a job that gives her good opportunities. In fact, she likes her job a lot and feels that this job would make her go places. Indeed, the company has lifted up to it’s name, it has provided her opportunities to travel. In May, she went to Orlando and in late Jun to early August, she would be going to China. Some of you may want to be in her shoes and definitely I want to be also. This where lies the problem, I am jealous of her.
The feeling of jealousy began when she first informed me that she was going to Orlando. At first, I thought the feeling of jealousy would go away. However the pain began manifesting in leaps and bounds as the day of her departure reached closer and finally it reached full-circle on the faithful day. I broke down at the airport and I swore I would not feel this way again. I decided to end our relationship as not to feel this pain again, however, I failed.
Now I am feeling the same pain again. Unfortunately, I know the feelings will come again and it will not end unless she stops going on business trips. I have asked her to be friends with me so that I can at least soften the pain, however, that has failed too.
I have even asked her to leave her job and not to go on the business trip. I can’t deny that these are acts of selfishness. She has told me that I have become a person that she does not know anymore.
Now, anybody reading this post would think I am a selfish bastard. They would think that if I love her, I would support her and be happy for her. I do not deny I am happy for her. She has everything going for her. The root course of my jealousy is that she is able to do a job that she is proud of. She is able to enjoy her job and enjoy the achievements that come with it. As in my case, I do not have a job I am proud of. I am depressed at my job. I stare at the computer terminal and do nothing for days because once have I completed my tasks; I have nothing else to do. Basically, I am in deep depression.
I always console myself that one day I would be able to have the same achievements as her. I would be able to travel. However, in reality, it may not happen. I am already 37 and in about two weeks would be receiving my first degree if everything goes well. Can my degree help me to go places and build my career? The chances are slim because I am reaching 40. It is a reality I must face. It may be a case of being too late.
The following poem which was posted in my earlier entries depicts my true feelings about my life :
Wary I wake upThe sky ever so bright
The sun shines with much ferocity
A new dawn begins
but darkness only shines upon me
The darkness I feel
Is the feeling of being a plasticine man
Oh Plasticine Man, Oh Plasticine Man
For who I am
For what pleasure do I accept you in my life
The pleasure of being plasticine?
For I only know the plasticine wall of pain that surrounds me
Like a bear hug, ever ready to render a man breathless
As plasticine as I am, I still have to put on a smile and face the world
As my work makes me a plasticine man
The joy of building plasticine castles in the air makes me happy
As I know that it is the only way to prevent me from becoming a cement man
Oh my Oh my
I shrudder with fear as my air diminishes with each coming day
Will I ever break out of the iron cage I am in
With not much less to breath
Help!! Help!!! I shout with much desperation
Oh how plasticine I have become
Even my shouts cannot be heard
Oh when will my plasticine life be over
For I know I cannot carry on living this way
The pain is to hard to bear
Oh plasticine! Oh plasticine!Go away!
Never to return back
As thou needs to smile and laugh again
What should I do to solve my problems? If only and when I can get a job which gives me a sense of satisfaction and pride and make me go places, only then will my problems be solved. Some of you may think I am a selfish bastard and that my girlfriend does not deserve a guy like me. However, I am who I am and this is what I am made up off.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
SINGAPORE AIRSHOW 2010
Singapore Airshow
Asia's biggest for Aviation's Finest
The Singapore Airshow, among the world's Top 3 aviation events, is the largest aerospace and defence event in Asia.
Singapore Airshow serves as a global marketplace and networking powerhouse for the world’s aviation community and has always been greeted with tremendous support from industry players, solidly maintaining its position as Asia’s largest and top three aerospace and defence events in the world.
It continues to be the only event of its kind that brings together heads of the international aviation community, including key political and military leaders. For 2010, the Airshow again closed on a high note with deals and announcements worth about US$10 billion in spite of a recovering economy.
Singapore Airshow also features a series of high-level conferences dedicated to leading players in the global aviation industry - the Singapore Airshow Aviation Leadership Summit (ALS), the Asia-Pacific Security Conference, Unmanned Systems Conference and the Land Defence Conference.
In its full glory, the Singapore Airshow is not all business and no play. The final weekend of the 6-day event will be open to public. Young and old, aviation enthusiasts and anyone who enjoys a day of adrenaline-pumping revelry under the sun will make it a must-watch. From masterful aerobatic flying displays to the excitement of fun fairground attractions, food, and collectables, the Singapore Airshow has the makings of a new calendar highlight that will give families and friends a weekend of fun
Singapore Airshow is organised by Experia Events Pte Ltd, which is engaged in the organising and managing of conferences, exhibitions and related activities that are of strategic national interest. The highly successful Singapore Airshow is recognised as Asia's largest and one of the top three global aerospace and defence exhibitions.
Experia Events also manages the Changi Exhibition Centre (CEC), a world-class multi-dimensional facility built on a sprawling 30-hectare seafront site.
Experia Events portfolio includes:
Singapore Airshow, Asia’s largest aerospace and defence show;
IMDEX Asia, Asia Pacific’s only international event dedicated to maritime defence;
Singapore International Water Week, a global platform for policymakers, industry leaders, experts and practitioners involved in the water world.
ScreenSingapore, an international cinema event offering policy makers, industry buyers, sellers, producers and creative talent from all over the world a platform to exchange ideas, business opportunities and showcase their wares.
Photos :
Asia's biggest for Aviation's Finest
The Singapore Airshow, among the world's Top 3 aviation events, is the largest aerospace and defence event in Asia.
Singapore Airshow serves as a global marketplace and networking powerhouse for the world’s aviation community and has always been greeted with tremendous support from industry players, solidly maintaining its position as Asia’s largest and top three aerospace and defence events in the world.
It continues to be the only event of its kind that brings together heads of the international aviation community, including key political and military leaders. For 2010, the Airshow again closed on a high note with deals and announcements worth about US$10 billion in spite of a recovering economy.
Singapore Airshow also features a series of high-level conferences dedicated to leading players in the global aviation industry - the Singapore Airshow Aviation Leadership Summit (ALS), the Asia-Pacific Security Conference, Unmanned Systems Conference and the Land Defence Conference.
In its full glory, the Singapore Airshow is not all business and no play. The final weekend of the 6-day event will be open to public. Young and old, aviation enthusiasts and anyone who enjoys a day of adrenaline-pumping revelry under the sun will make it a must-watch. From masterful aerobatic flying displays to the excitement of fun fairground attractions, food, and collectables, the Singapore Airshow has the makings of a new calendar highlight that will give families and friends a weekend of fun
Singapore Airshow is organised by Experia Events Pte Ltd, which is engaged in the organising and managing of conferences, exhibitions and related activities that are of strategic national interest. The highly successful Singapore Airshow is recognised as Asia's largest and one of the top three global aerospace and defence exhibitions.
Experia Events also manages the Changi Exhibition Centre (CEC), a world-class multi-dimensional facility built on a sprawling 30-hectare seafront site.
Experia Events portfolio includes:
Singapore Airshow, Asia’s largest aerospace and defence show;
IMDEX Asia, Asia Pacific’s only international event dedicated to maritime defence;
Singapore International Water Week, a global platform for policymakers, industry leaders, experts and practitioners involved in the water world.
ScreenSingapore, an international cinema event offering policy makers, industry buyers, sellers, producers and creative talent from all over the world a platform to exchange ideas, business opportunities and showcase their wares.
Photos :
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